I am introducing a new series on my blog. This series focuses on a piece addressing the question of “why I do not” do something. It is not written as ridicule of character for anyone who reads it or to whom it is most adjacent in experiences, but criticism of myself and lessons learned. In speaking from my position, about myself within, I hope it might help people who are similar. If at least one or a few people can carry the lessons in the series to do good by their own fellow human beings, the better. Through negation of what I do not do, I hope to illuminate what I actually do.
I am tagging it in my essays, too, like select other blog posts that deserve that categorization. This series is between blog and essay by nature, between spaces like myself because there is no way it is not a personal reflection and interrogation. It is a blog in its reflective nature, yet serves the purpose of an essay because I aim to make the reflective nature more reflexive.
Between spaces, what could that mean for me?
I am between White-POC spaces as a White-Southeast Asian Multiracial who is ethnically ambiguous.
Between heterosexuality and gay as a bisexual who may be attracted to non-cisgender people but has yet to confirm for herself, so she chooses to avoid saying further as to avoid taking up space.
Snug tight between my Catholic baptism and devout to an Asian-Indian Goddess deep inside, inevitably Buddhist influenced due to familial roots and influences of relatives still in pursuant of dharma. Experiences I must respect, so I honor their roots while refusing to let people put me as a place-in for the marginalized in the communities.
I am a writer on postcolonial topics as an American cousin to Asia, a product of colonization and the formerly colonized ever needing to remain vigilant against neocolonial influences in the voices whispering inside my head.
There are many more situations from which I exist between spaces. Being between spaces in this case does not mean refusing to choose a side. Years ago, I found talks of neutrality or centrism non-malign, but the direction of our current political climate has led to bad actors co-opting the two ideas. Neutrality has become polite oppression. As someone who genuinely conflates categories by her authentic self, I still strive to always side with the oppressed. Many passing White-POC Multiracials have done the opposite. I cannot afford to at least not try to do better.
Neither can many others.